LADY IN THE WATER

Reviewed by Harvey S. Karten
Warner Bros.
Grade: C
Directed by: M. Night Shyamalan
Written By: M. Night Shyamalan
Cast: Paul Giamatti, Bryce Dallas Howard, Bob Balaban, Jeffrey
Wright, M. Night snhyamalan
Screened at: AMC 34th St, NYC, 7/23/06
Opens: July 21, 2006

There was this plumber who did a job at a nice suburban home.
In short order he cleared a drainpipe and gave the owner a bill
for $230. "Two hundred thirty dollars for fifteen minutes' work?
I'm a doctor, and it takes me a whole day to earn that amount!"
"I know," replied the plumber, "I used to be a doctor." This by
way of introducing M. Night Shyamalan's bedtime story
(appropriately called as I found out when like a six-year-old I was
almost off to dreamland well before the tale was finished). Its
leading character is a super, who seems to specialize in
cleaning drainpipes, as he does in an opening scene, one of the
few humorous moments in a somber, pretentious piece. I hope
I'm not ruining the story by telling you that this superintendent,
who often looks as woozy as he did under the influence in
"Sideways," was a doctor. Why did he become a plumber?
Because he found out he could make more money that way?
Could be. But we're in a Shyamalan tale. His family were
murdered. Does that explain why he gave up medicine in favor
of working with a scruffy beard in a downscale city complex,
albeit one with a pool? You guess is as good as mine.

Anyway, this fable, which could be subtitled "Cleveland in
Philadelphia," takes place in the city of brotherly love and
features the increasingly ubiquitous Paul Giamatti as building
superintendent Cleveland Heep at a motel-like complex called
The Cove. Cleveland sees bubbles in the pool (they're not what
you think), doesn't know what to make of them, and wakes up to
find a lithe, half-naked woman in the room. When she drops
what's left of her outfit on the floor and looks (in my imagination)
seductively at a guy who you'd not mistake for Brad Pitt, we're
already guessing that she's a nymph. And sure enough...

What's more the fellow tells her to cover herself up, which leads
one to believe that the murder of his family did indeed give him
a case of depression. Audience students of complex metaphors
will ponder why her name is Story. She's looking for a writer–in
Philadelphia?–who will allegedly make a special impact on
someone, maybe even save Cleve from a put-upon life. That
scribe is played by M. Night Shyamalan, the writer-director-
producer, who is more adept at putting on his audience. Like
Spielberg's E.T., the nymph is eager to go home, but she's
afraid of a lupine fellow who may have come out of central
casting in the Christopher Gans's 2001 movie "Pac de Loupe."
Well, sure, a wolf would go after a young woman as oddly
sensuous in her very innocence as Story (played by the 25-
year-old Bryce Dallas Howard).

Through a series of maneuvers involving the help of some of
the eccentric characters in the building–like one guy who lifts
weights in one arm only in order to look like a freak (Freddy
Rodriguez), a Chinese resident who speaks no English and gets
the attention of the super by repeatedly calling him "Hey" (June
Kyoko Lu) and whose words translated by her daughter (Cindy
Cheung), whose college studies annoyingly distract her from her
clubbing.

The only character with his feet on the ground is Mr. Leeds (Bill
Irwin), who unlike the New-Age Ms. Story correctly assesses
that the world is going to hell in a handbasket. But the film's
one genuinely humorous monologue comes from the mouth of
Harry Farber (Bob Balaban), a film critic who for reasons that
should be clear is the target of this movie's director–who makes
sure that Farber is the most unlikable, irritating fellow in the film.
Farber states at one point that all movies are predictable: "There
is no originality left." Maybe he has his feet on the ground as
well, but Shyamalan subverts his notion, thereby trying to prove
to us that he is the one original voice in the cinema. Instead, his
is perhaps the most pretentious work of celluloid so far this year
and in no way compares to his excellent "The Sixth Sense,"
(that's the "I see dead people one"), which has a stunning scene
in a restaurant as Anna Crowe (Olivia Williams) tries to enjoy an
expensive dinner on her anniversary, her husband, Dr. Malcolm
Crowe (Bruce Willis) sitting across from her, and unlike any
other man on a date, listens to her every word attentively as
though he were dead.

One animal seems to have been harmed in "Lady in the Water,"
but I don't think the American Humane Society would be too
concerned.

Paul Giamatti is ultimately saved, presumably to go on to a
good life on Brooklyn's Pierrepont Street. Too bad Story did not
come to him during "Sideways." He would have been on the
wagon...though not nearly as interesting.

Rated PG-13. 110 minutes 2006 by Harvey Karten
harveycritic@cs.com Member: NY Film Critics Online