Elle!

Good Lord, talk about dating oneself. I haven't listened to a Carly Simon album in YEARS. BUT I do own a couple. I think.. if my EX didn't get custody. LOL. I think my fav was one she and James Taylor did together.

I have to tell you, your description of your lost friend reminded me of my late husband. I was nearly 32 when we met, but I swear he was the influence that caused me to finally grow up. Honor was definitely a consideration for him in every avenue of his day. I learned so much from him, his children and I are STILL (after eleven years without him) quoting him to one another and then laughing. Sometimes I can just HEAR his voice admonishing me for some evil thought. Always, there is a humorous tone in his tsk tsk voice. This man, if he had been alive when I discovered Outlander, would have seen it consume me, and before long, I would have found him deeply consumed in it himself.  And he would have totally understood Jamie's frustration with Claire's insistence on getting into trouble. (Sheepish grin)

  My youngest son told me recently that he is thinking of having a bumper sticker made that says simply "WWDD?"  What Would DAD Do?"

Some guy was slapping a woman around in a car next to my oldest son the other day, in traffic. He said he honestly thought of seeing his Dad once pin a man to a wall by his throat for that in a restaurant. HE got out, went to the car door of the other car, knocked, and asked the guy if he would like to step out and manhandle someone his own size. (This "boy" is 27, 5'7" and about 200lbs! and built like a wrestler!  He rides bulls, rodeo. ) The guy dropped the car into gear and sped away. Daughter in law got the license plate and called it in to the police. My son was right. That is EXACTLY what his Dad would have done. He collected strays, orphans (kids AND animals) and believed that his God given task in this life was to care for the rest of the people he came in contact with. My wedding ring, and his, matching, are on a chain around my neck, hanging inside my shirt. (in the cleavage he would have thought appropriate) I have thought a lot of times that they are like an amulet of sorts. I know exactly what you mean, I can hold those rings in my hand and PRAY to hear his laughter. I do. Most times.

(spoiler space added due to a Major Spoiler from part 6 of AN ECHO IN THE BONE - don't read below if you haven't finished the book! - Karen)

I cried like a baby through the loss of Ian Sr.  As he told Ian Jr., having a mate like that is a gift from God. Losing that mate is crushing.  Diana's magic ability to paint characters is full of resonance, always, yes?   Thank GOD for memory! (What little I have left, LOL)

Christine 

edited to correct spelling error.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS, IT'S ABOUT LEARNING TO DANCE IN THE RAIN -

CHRISTINE

I can certainly relate to some of the things you say, yes I think of him too every day, and for years I was deeply bitter and felt cheated.  I still feel cheated, we were engaged and never got that chance to have a life together and I think his ghost kind of hung over the marriage I made.  Sometimes I think you have to have had a certain amount of life experience to truly appreciate Diana's abillity to develop such full characters because while some things do not change, other aspects do with time and experience and we see things differently and perhaps learn not to be so judgmental about many things and situations.

Elle

I still feel cheated, we were engaged and never got that chance to have a life together

I have to tell you that even now, after years alone, I go out with my adult kids (for instance) to hear Lon's Band play somewhere. There are always couples about our age at these dances, and watching them dance together, and interact always eats me up with shameful envy.   I will be doing FINE, and then something like that, or something as simple as seeing a couple walking hand in hand through Wal Mart parking lot will trip the bitter trigger again. I always felt so robbed of the "aging together" plans we had. Friends are now traveling as we planned to do, and living in their VERY nice motorhome. I am SO jealous. And it's not a nice feeling, to find that capacity in oneself. I should be rejoicing for them that they have the fortune to share their "golden years" as we had intended. I do, but I am always finding envy in my heart, too. One couple sent me a photo album of their 35th anniversary trip. One shot is a close up of their rear ends, walking together, hands in one another's hip pockets. I fell apart on that one, WE always walked like that. Sillly. And hard to overcome. Cheated is exactly what it feels like. Reading Jamie and Claire's conversations made me realize that Diana has to have LIVED with such a close relationship to be able to write it so completely, I think.  I can't say often enough to other people, "if you haven't said I love you today, go say it NOW." I listen to the women I work with complaining about husbands and trashing them, and I nearly can't stand it. Like I said, this particular grief comes with a set of baggage that is sometimes shameful.

Christine

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS, IT'S ABOUT LEARNING TO DANCE IN THE RAIN -

CHRISTINE

Yes, I appreciate it because little things come up for me like that too and that is the feeling, I was cheated but today I don't apologize for it.  I don't feel jealous, just cheated.  Giving that speech was very good for me, I was a nervous wreck, but it did me some good too.  I know they filmed it but I have never looked at it.  I did something else and that helped enormously too.  I wrote a book, not ever to publish, just things i remembered about us and the more I wrote the more I remembered.  I laughed, I cried, I was singing songs that we liked writing it while I remembered and it helped to do that--to preserve that memory.  I take it out a few times a year and read it and that's it.  I have put it away and one day my kids will find it, Bridges of Madison County <g> and they will have to decide if they want to know about this or not--that Mom had this whole other life and other plans and hopes and dreams.  I think doing these things was very therapeutic and having the support of that group is brilliant.  It's very interesting, that I fought getting any help from them, it was long in the past and they kept urging me, so when I finally did, it was very helpful.  I see the same phenomenon with the young women, they finally agree to come to sessions thinking they are fine and going to help someone else, it's only when they get there that they realize they need help too.  The important thing is getting it, and the legitimization that the relationship counted.

Elle

Ron Wodaski
Dark Matters

My dear Julie

I am guessing that every marriage hits some sort of "rough patch" but I am sorry you are going through a hard time.  Those words are inadequate but still heartfelt.   With hindsight, such a wonderful thing!---I know I was very  lucky and blessed although I will never get over that "cheated" feeling.   For me, love is not just the romance, the dizzying sensations, as wonderful as they are and necessary, along with the passion, but the support, the attempt to understand each other, and acceptance that we cannot change people but must take them as they are and appreciate them as they are.  That is not to say people do not change, they do, and they evolve and hopefully learn something along the way.   Most of all, it was the absolute certainty for both of us at the time that we were meant to be together, there was never a doubt.  He was quite fond of saying God was our Matchmaker and you don't argue with the Almighty!

Elle