On average, people tell three lies every 10 minutes -- from "I was just about to call you" and “You've lost weight!" to “Your secret is safe with me." Think this claim is a bit of an exaggeration? University of Massachusetts psychology professor Robert Feldman, Ph.D., has spent the last 25 years proving it.
Lying begins early. Feldman says that we learn to weave these tangled webs during toddlerhood. The older children get, the more sophisticated their lies become. In a sense, they're training for survival in the adult world, since Feldman's research shows that popular, socially successful people tend to be good liars. Yet even with the social advantages that come with fudging, Feldman contends that all lies exact a toll -- on both the person who delivers the fiction and the one who is duped by it.
So ...
Why do we lie? We lie because it works. And it works because other people want to hear lies about themselves -- that they're looking good or that we agree with them.
Have humans evolved as liars because some lying is actually necessary for survival? Though we certainly learn to lie as we grow up, lying also has evolutionary roots. You can look throughout the non-human animal kingdom and see that animals lie in simple ways, like through camouflage.
If lying gives us a social advantage, what's so great about telling the truth all the time? Apart from the moral question, lying as a tactic often backfires. Dishonesty leads to a kind of inauthenticity -- and most of us want more authentic relationships.
What kinds of lies do we most commonly tell? When we lie to other people, we're usually trying to make them feel good about themselves, and we lie to reinforce our belief that we really are smarter, more capable, a better driver, you name it.
So is lying more common that we think it is? And what is it about some people, who feel the need to lie all the time, even about unimportant matters?
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